meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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