I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
