on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
