Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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