Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
