So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
