So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
