Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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