If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
