So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
