His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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