Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
