What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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