I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
