well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
