I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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