Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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