i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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