There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My vagina is very pro this idea
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
