I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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