He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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