Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
