Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
