I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
