guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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