I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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