so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize