take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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