Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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