He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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