This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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