i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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