Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
