Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
