How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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