i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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