No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
