question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
