Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
