bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
