if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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