just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
