ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
