So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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