we have pet lesbian snakes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize