Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
