HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
