Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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