Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
