thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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