I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize