I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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