I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
