You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
