i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
