I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
