Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize