I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
