I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize