ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
