You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
