i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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