scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
