Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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