You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's like iHOP with fire
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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