That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
