just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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