Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
