me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
