Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
