is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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