You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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