Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
