Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize