he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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