Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
