oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
