I CAN MOONWALK!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
