If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize