You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
