he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
