if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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