So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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