It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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