is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
