An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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