Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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