Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
