..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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