thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
