wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
