I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
