i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
