proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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