worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
