take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
