the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
