I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize