I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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