Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
