I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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