So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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