Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
