yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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