I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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