And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
bring money and cleavage
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
