Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
