I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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