One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
