I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
