she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
