she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All the doctor said was why
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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