I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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