I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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